MamaNaama

6 hours a day

Baby O is only awake for 6 hours each day; 8-10, 12-2 and 2-4.  She also wakes between 5-6 for a bottle.  The husband and I have plenty of time with each other and now we're trying to figure out how to make staying home interesting.  Last night, Saturday night, we made dinner, drank wine and watched a crappy movie that we had gotten from netflix.  About a year ago, I would have described that as a perfect night.  Now we feel trapped at home because we have a baby sleeping upstairs. 

At one point we were sitting on the couch reading the newspaper and the husband said "I'm not sure I want to watch a movie, maybe we'll just read our books".  I almost lost it.  Isn't that what people do once they're old? We need to start taking our parents up on their offers to babysit and get out of the house on the weekends.

 I love the girl but my weekend evenings have become a bit boring - what am I to do?

OMG - This is crazy

So, I was trolling the web and came across this Huffington Post story which was so compelling I had to finish going through the slide show even though Baby O had woken up in her room and was complaining because she was hungry. Crazy stuff.

This week was good and bad.  Good because the little one has started sleeping at night again for long (sometimes 11 hours) uninterrupted stretches and bad because she still has this cold and has now started vomiting/spitting up each time she eats.  I'm pretty sure the vomiting is related to the coughing since at one point I saw her cough and then a milky river poured out of her mouth.  Amazingly, she's still in good spirits.  That's the thing about kids.  They throw up and then they move on.  If it was me, I'd be complaining, drinking ginger ale and eating toast!

The Family Burn Rate

The husband and I have been talking this weekend about how much we spend on a monthly basis and how we can cut back on these expenses.  He's thinking of leaving his current job and doing something totally new.  This would involve not getting paid for a while. 

I've realized that saving money or living on a budget is all about preparation.  If you take the time to create a budget it's really much easier than you'd think.  The planning forces you to make the tough choices (what you can and can't buy) so that impulse doesn't get you in trouble. This is how we're approaching this new fiscal challenge.

1. Plan a menu for the week then shop at the grocery store for supplies.  When possible make two extra portions for lunch the next day.

2. Don't buy lunch, make it and bring it.  For us, leftovers are easiest. Plus, I've never been much of a sandwich person.

3. Track your expenses.  It's much easier not to spend on frivolous stuff when you're keeping yourself accountable.  I try to put everything on plastic and avoid cash so that I know what's being spent.  Plus, we use Mint which has been very helpful. 

4. Plan for "unusual" spending.  We all have those annoying one time charges -- whether unexpected medical bills or home repair.  It's best to decide where the money is coming from before the emergency hits.

5. Don't assume that you can cut out entertainment spending, just make a budget and stick to it.  With a baby going out gets more expensive because of the added cost of babysitting.  When you have a budget, you can avoid the feelings of guilt that go along with spending.  We love good food and good wine so for us it's a must.  Instead of eating all meals at home we do research to find places that are noteworthy but affordable.  In New York we often check the $25 & Under column or we head to Chinatown. 

Lazy mom or good mom?

So I've finally decided to take Baby O to the Dr today to see about the cough.  It's been almost 2 weeks since she got sick and I have been reticent to bring her in because I'm fairly certain there is nothing to be done. Still, when you put your hand on her chest or back you can feel the fluid in her lungs.  

I have to ask myself, why am I, a first time mom, being so lazy when it comes to my daughter's cold?  As a new mom, I often hear the advice "You should treat her like she's your second baby". Well, my husband and I have succeeded in this task somewhat accidentally. 

Prior to Baby O's birth we discussed what type of parents we wanted to be and what type of a marriage we wanted to have.  Luckily we were both on the same page - we didn't want having a child to consume us in a way that was bad for the marriage.  We all have friends who are married but seem to have forgotten their marriage as soon as they had a baby.  We didn't want to have that kind of relationship.  So we laid down a few ground rules:

1. Baby O will NEVER spend a night in our bedroom

2. We will use judgment, not emotion when dealing with our baby's health (this one has been more difficult for me than for the husband)

3. Baby O is allowed to cry, it's good for her.  Before intervening, we usually let her cry for about 2 minutes.  You'll be surprised, about 90% of the time she stops on her own.  By doing this, we learned how to differentiate between the "I'm tired and complaining" cry and the "I'm in pain pick me up right now and burp me".  Obviously, I don't let the pain cry go for 2 minutes.

4. Breastfeeding is good for baby but if it makes mom feel like hell, allow some formula every now and then. A happy mommy will have a happy baby

5. Plan time without baby.  Yes, I go to work every day but I need time with the husband.  We haven't been out on as many dates as I'd like but we did plan a long weekend to Barcelona for December.  Baby O will be 6 months.

  

ugh...Monday

I wonder if exhaustion is going to be the theme of this blog.  Last night was rough.  We went to NJ for our nephew's 4th birthday party and were stuck in traffic both ways.  Because of the traffic on the way there, we only lasted about an hour and a half before we needed to take the little one home.  She needed to sleep and the car seat was not going to work for her.  (As it turns out, traffic is more stressful for a marriage than a sick baby.)

Her cold has now progressed into a cough.  The cough stage is better only because I know we're half way through.  However, the coughing has activated her gag reflex and she has been spitting up on her daddy each time he feeds her.  Basically he has to change his shirt often.  Luckily I've been spared.

The big news this weekend is that baby O appears to love her momma again.  I spent all day Saturday holding her, singing to her and playing with her in hopes that she would forgive me for returning to work.  By yesterday, I was once again in the princess' good graces. Many smiles were sent my way. I'm curious what this week will bring.

Off to work..

I survived week 1!

6:15 Baby O is down for the night - hopefully all night. 

I left work a little early and picked her up so that I could have some quality time with the little lady before bed time.  

Last night I had a little melt down.  As I wrote yesterday, I think she's mad at me for abandoning her.  I know she's sick, and I know she's tired but I just felt like there was something else.  My husband tried to reassure me that there is nothing going on and maybe I was projecting. 

Today when I picked up Baby O at daycare I saw one of the other moms and she asked me how I was holding up. I told her that I knew it sounded crazy but I thought O was mad at me. She's only 14 weeks so it seems unlikely. Well, the other mom confirmed what I was feeling.  She told me that her son gave her the cold shoulder as soon as she put him in daycare and returned to work too. Apparently this happens. It's normal and best of all, it's temporary.  I hope it passes soon. 

Day 2, a little blue

Baby O's cold persists.  In fact, it's getting a bit worse.  The people at daycare said she just wasn't herself. Poor thing.  She's not eating much, she's stuffy and just all around unhappy.  It's very hard to elicit a smile from her which I can't help but think has to do with her being angry at me for abandoning her. 

I'm so looking forward to the weekend.  

We've been invited to a birthday party this weekend that takes place smack dab in the middle of O's morning nap.  The husband graciously offered to let me go alone while he watched the baby.  I explained to him that while that is a great offer, I plan on wearing Baby O in my Moby Wrap all weekend.  I miss her.  I want her to know I'm there and I want to feel her close to me.

Day 1....Done

I'm exhausted. 

This working mom thing is much harder than it looks on TV. 

Baby O decided to wake up last night around 3:30.  Since I had just re-read the relevant sections in the sleep bible, I decided I shouldn't go into her room. She wasn't crying -- just playing...but still, I couldn't sleep. After about 40 minutes I checked the video monitor and saw that she had gotten out of her swaddle.  Since I was not thinking rationally (who does at 4:15AM), I decided that even though she'd made it that long without an intervention, I should go in and re-swaddle.  Needless to say that started a cycle of crying, feeding, falling asleep then crying and feeding again. 

What's a mom to do?  If I had just gone in and given her the boob in the beginning of her fussing, I would have been back asleep in 20 minutes.  But then I would have been reinforcing bad sleep habits.  Instead, I stayed up for an hour in the middle of the night convincing myself that I should be strong and ended up caving anyway.  Ugh!  Needless to say, O's daddy was fast asleep beside me, oblivious to the drama that was playing out in my head.

So how'd the first day at work go?  Well, I was tired but I did OK without the little munchkin.  After all, we've been practicing.  The best thing about day care so far is that you get to go through a transition period before returning back to work so you already know how to survive without the little one by your side. 

We'll need to figure out how to handle the nighttime routines though.  O is exhausted by the time we pick her up, so exhausted that she can't even make eye contact.  Sad for Mommy who wants to see her smile but also easy because she goes to sleep without a protest. 

Tomorrow's the big day

Unfortunately, this blog thing has not been as easy to work into my daily routine as I'd hoped.  Alas, I'm still giving it a go. 

So here I sit, my last day of maternity leave.  Baby O is happily at daycare.  This will be her first full week (except of course yesterday which was Labor Day).  So far she has transitioned quite well.  I'm told by the daycare providers that she's been a sweet happy baby and has napped well.  The only strange thing is her night time sleep.  For the last couple of weeks she was sleeping between 11-12 hours at night.  Pretty much 7ish to 6ish.  For a 3 month old baby, that's pretty good.  Then suddenly on Friday night, she awoke at 10:30PM and again at 3:30AM.  We have no idea what's going on.  For the last 4 nights it's been like this, 2 wakings a night.  I can only guess it's one of 4 things:

1. She is going through a "growth spurt"

2. She caught her father's cold and she's not sleeping well as a result

3. She's over tired from too much stimulation

4. She can sense that life is about to change as her mommy returns to work

Either way, I've consulted the Weissbluth book and the advice is the same; get back on schedule and make sure the bedtime is early.  So tonight, instead of dragging the little girl out to dinner to commemorate my return to the working world, we're moving the bedtime ritual to 6PM and hopefully she'll be asleep by 6:30.

If you have experience with babies who sleep through the night and then don't, I'd love to hear from you.

A few weeks left

OK, so baby O is getting big and maternity leave is dwindling.  Soon I will be returning to the big blue box.  To celebrate, I've decided to start this blog.  My plan for the blog is to chronicle the life of a new mom returning to the workforce.  I know, it's been done before, but why not throw my hat in the ring too.

Before we talk about returning to work, first let's talk about this whole motherhood thing that got me the leave in the first place.  Here are my lessons learned from maternity leave and motherhood so far.

1. A 3 month break from the office actually DOES make you long for work

2. Babies get cuter and more lovable after 5 consecutive hours of sleep

3. Breastfeeding is much more difficult than all the books and lactation consultants would have you believe....and by the time it gets easier, you need to think about weaning to return to work

4. New moms need a lifeline...whether it's other new moms, a sibling or an old friend, whatever - you need someone other than your husband to support you

5. Don't underestimate the power of a great husband or partner...but know that s/he is dealing with sleep deprivation too so can't be the lifeline

6.  Expect to spend more time with in-laws and relatives.  They can't resist a new baby. 

7. Say yes to help early on from the in-laws and relatives - or risk getting mastitis (more about adventures in breastfeeding later)

8. NPR is a great solution when you need to hear an adult conversation but don't want to turn the TV on

9. Everyone you meet will be obsessed with whether you're going to hire a nanny or use daycare.  They all have their opinions and have no problems sharing them with you.  Just nod politely and stick to your guns.  You made your decision for a reason and it's the right one for you

10. Don't feel guilty if you think taking care of your newborn is boring - everyone does...tiring but boring

OK, that's all for post number one.  It's time for bed.  Orly is asleep and I need to take advantage of this quiet time.